25. Case 1:

Sita Bhandari belongs to a Chhetri family of Paduka 9, Dailekh. Sita lives with her in-laws and her husband is away to work in India. Her family is very poor. She was pregnant for the first time but without any rest. Sita never asked permission to go for check up her pregnancy, nor took iron tablets. This was because she had a fear (dar) and laj (shame) and her mother-in-law was always negative and would never let her go for check up because she had heard telling others that she had delivered many babies without a test, how come these daughter-in-laws need such check ups. When the delivery date reached, labour pain started and that lasted for 12 days without delivery. At last, the family decided to take her to the PHC. The villagers arranged men to carry her in stretcher. On the way to PHC, someone discovered baby's hand visible and they called local TBA for help. The TBA tried very hard to deliver the baby but failed. Rather she detached baby's hand out. Sita was extremely tired but survived. She is still not well but surviving.

Many women like Sita can not ask and go for regular check-ups due to dar (fear) and laj (shame). Had her husband been at home, we could assume that she could have gone for check up with him but without a man's presence she was powerless and helpless. Similar state of 'culture of silence' was reported by Pradhan (2005) that is considered as an important factor in women's failure to access health care.

There are many proverbs and idioms that reflect the situation of suppressed and poor women. If women talk big about development and rights they say Pothi baseko (hen is crowing), Neta bhaki (what a surprise she is becoming a leader…).  For instance, Aaimaiko baat, kukurko laat (women's speech, dog's kick), Aaimaile kateko bato chiplo (women constructed road are slippery), Marda ko duswati (A brave man's ten wives), Namardako swasni hunu bhanda mardako susare hunu niko (Its better to be a mistress of a brave man than to be a wife of a coward). There are some of the proverbs that portray the womens's lives in rural villages of Nepal.